Champagne Velvet

This is fantastic.

The winner gets the city

courtesy of JR in Pittsburgh:

“How eerie do you find it that the Lakers’ season continues to play out like the movie ‘Teen Wolf?’ Kobe plays like the Wolf all season only to show up for the playoffs in human form. You can just imagine him telling everyone before the series, ‘I think we can take these guys. We don’t NEED the Wolf.’ Now everyone is making shots and playing so much good team ball that Mark Safan is probably calling Jerry Buss every day trying to talk him into scheduling a performance of ‘Win in the End’ at the Staples Center. You even have the coach who looks disinterested most of the time and is very philosophical (I remember reading that the original title of Phil’s book was, ‘Never Play Cards With a Guy Who Has the Same First Name as a City’). Has there ever been a movie more synchronized to [a] real sports story line?”

Right after I get done performing surgery on my eyes, I’m moving on to heart and brain surgery.  Who’s with me?

LASIK@Home

LASIK@Home is the same patented surgical procedure performed at eye clinics around the world, but without the unnecessary equipment and staff.

This is hysterical.

Man flogs wife’s box on eBay

You know how it is: you’ve got a 30-inch cock but your wife’s box is only six inches. The only intelligent solution is to offer the box for sale on eBay, as this Wisconsin vendor attempted to do

crapulous \KRAP-yuh-lus\, adjective:
1. Suffering the effects of, or derived from, or suggestive of gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous stomach.
2. Marked by gross intemperance, especially in drinking; as, a crapulous old reprobate.

I would be bitter, too.  You can’t make this stuff up.

Two stocks to duck and one to grab

… at the recently ended TED Conference in Cali. (Stands for “technology, entertainment, and design.”) Tony Robbins was the speaker. He asked the audience, “How many people in this room have failed at something?” Everyone raises their hand. He then asks, “Why was that?” People start shouting out stuff….and then in the front row, Al Gore yells: “The Supreme Court!”